If you haven’t made it to the movie theater lately, here’s a film that will surely entice you. The King’s Speech is a gorgeous British film that is every bit worthy of its 12 Oscar nominations. I hope it wins “Best Picture” because it’s far and away the best movie I’ve seen all year.

Our pastor gave a sermon on “The King’s Speech” a couple of weeks ago, reminding us to read our Bibles so that our daily speech will be more in line with that of our King. He also shared the background story to this film, and I was so intrigued, I felt like I had to go see it. Thankfully, my husband agreed.

I love movies based on true stories, and this one centers around the rise of King George VI (played by Colin Firth) to the throne of England in 1936. No one ever thought “Bertie” (as his close friends and family know him) would become king because he was the younger brother — and he had a terrible stammer that made it downright difficult for him to speak in public.

But when his father dies, Bertie’s older brother, Edward, abdicates the throne. He’s in love with an American divorcee and chooses to go against the rules of the Church and marry her, giving up the kingship. Bertie then accepts his calling and grave responsibilities of his public role with the help of Australian speech therapist, Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush.)

Throughout the film, Bertie’s wife, Elizabeth, played by the beautiful Helena Bonham Carter, supports him and believes in him. It’s her love more than anything that seems to give him the strength he needs to persevere through the challenges of his speech therapy and service to his country. I loved everything about Helena Bonham Carter — the breathtaking tilt of her hat, reminding me of Kate Winslet’s first upward glance at the Titanic, her lovely English accent, the way she cares for her two princess daughters, everything! Oh, I hope she wins Best Supporting Actress! She’s a role model for all married women and mothers.

There are a few funny parts in the movie. Lionel Logue uses some unconventional methods to bring out the best in his patient. And the actor who plays Sir Winston Churchill is a hoot — I giggled every time he said a line. How could the people around him keep from laughing?

My only regret is that the movie is rated “R.” I don’t normally go see rated “R” movies, but since it was recommended by my pastor, hey, I thought it couldn’t be all that bad. Well, it wasn’t. That’s my regret — that it wasn’t labed PG-13.

This is a great movie for teens to see, even kids as young as 11 or 12 EXCEPT there is a brief moment of bad language. The speech therapist makes the discovery that when Bertie is angry, like cussing angry, he doesn’t stammer. So the therapist asks Bertie to cuss a time or two, to see how his speech can be controlled through his emotion. Yet because the f-word appears a few times, I guess this earned the film an R rating. I just kept thinking what a shame! Of course I’m not taking my young kids to see a rated R movie at the theater, but when it comes out on DVD, I think it’s fine for families to rent — maybe keeping the fast forward controller nearby to speed through that brief R-rated speech.

Otherwise, I think this is a family-friendly film. I left the theater thinking how many of us could use someone like Lionel Logue in our lives, coaxing us through our fears and helping us believe in ourselves when our moment comes to give our own “king’s speech.”

The Academy Awards will air on ABC on February 27 at 8 pm. I may try to watch it since Anne Hathaway is co-hosting, and I love her dearly. Well, here’s to “The King’s Speech” for leaving its mark on award history!

[Update: Congratulations to the 2011 Academy Award Winners! "The King's Speech" did indeed win Best Picture, Best Actor (Colin Firth), Best Directing (Tom Hooper), and Best Writing (Original Screenplay).]

Good News!
by Deb Kalmbach

The first Christmas card of the season arrived in my mailbox way back in August. How could anyone be that organized? Then I noticed my friend, Nita, had sent me a card I had written to her more than 20 years ago!
  
Memories rushed back as I read the words penned in my familiar handwriting. It was Christmas, 1991, and my world had unraveled. I could almost pretend everything was all right at this most wonderful time of the year—but not that year.
  
My husband Randy’s drinking problem had escalated to the point where his job and career were on the line. He had already been through two alcohol treatment programs and managed to stay sober for short periods of time. Then he slipped back into old, familiar patterns. His ongoing relapses were a crushing disappointment for our family.
  
I had looked forward to Christmas Eve and our family traditions; making homemade lasagna, singing carols around the piano, attending the candlelight service at church, and then coming home to open one token Christmas Eve present.     
  
“Randy, are you ready to crank out the pasta?” I called to him over the Christmas music I was playing to lift my spirits.
  
I peered into the living room to see what was keeping him. My heart froze. Randy sat on the couch, trance-like, watching a basketball game while sipping a drink.
  
No, not on Christmas Eve, I screamed inwardly. I felt like I was suffocating. Usually Randy pulled himself together but it didn’t happen that night. He drank vodka all evening while I finished holiday preparations on autopilot. None of us felt like eating lasagna or celebrating.
  
Only a few days earlier, I had written these words on the Christmas card to my friend, Nita. “I don’t know God’s plans, his timing, or his ways in accomplishing his purposes, but I am learning to trust him. He is faithful!”
  
I suspect Nita kept my card all those years because she saw a small seed of faith and it encouraged her heart. I didn’t know it at the time, but it would be eight more Christmas seasons before Randy experienced the miraculous breakthrough of finding freedom from alcoholism.
  
As I read the card I had written so long ago, I felt awed by God’s faithfulness to us—even when our situation looked completely hopeless.
  
You may be facing great difficulty as the holidays approach. The last thing you feel like is celebrating. And that’s O.K. The Good News of Christmas isn’t about picture perfect holidays where our homes are decorated a la Martha Stewart and tables are laden with holiday delicacies. Your days may not be merry and bright. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of a relationship through divorce or estrangement. Your world has unraveled.

That’s exactly why the message of Christmas is Good News. The Savior is born! The One who came to set you free, to give you peace and hope and help beyond anything you could ever imagine is as near as your next breath. Today you might not be able to see how God’s purposes are unfolding for your future, but you can be assured that He is working all things for good in your life. A twenty year-old Christmas card came on a summer day as an unexpected gift and gentle reminder of God’s presence—especially in the worst of times.

About Deb: Deb Kalmbach is the coauthor of Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in a Not-So- Perfect Marriage and the author of a book for children, Corey’s Dad Drinks Too Much. She has contributed to The New Women’s Devotional Bible, Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace, and other anthologies. She is a vibrant and engaging speaker who gives hope and practical solutions to those who struggle with difficult relationships. Deb and her husband, Randy, live in a tiny town in Eastern Washington. Visit Deb at: www.debkalmbach.com, or on Facebook and Twitter.

A three strand pearl necklace will be given away on New Year’s Day. All you need to do to have a chance of winning is {FILL OUT THIS QUICK ENTRY FORM}. The winner will be announced on the Pearl Girls Blog (http://margaretmcsweeney.blogspot.com) on New Years Day!

12 Pearls of Christmas Series and contest sponsored by Pearl Girls®. For more information, please visit www.pearlgirls.info

Gift List
by Tricia Goyer

I’ve been thinking lately how hard it must be for Oprah to Christmas shop. I mean if you were on her “gift list” wouldn’t you expect something really, really good? The woman gives away cars and trips to Australia on her television show for goodness sake! It seems by the end of Christmas Day her friends and family would look at the pile of presents and think, “Is that it?” I mean if you knew there was billions of dollars she could spend on you, would you ever feel satisfied?

Sometimes I think we approach God the same way. We look around at our home, our family, our job, our free time and we still aren’t satisfied. We wish our body looked better, our clothes were more in style, our husband was more considerate and our kids were more … well, like the perfect little people we picture in our mind. Our careers don’t excel as quickly as we think they should and people don’t give us the attention we feel we deserve. We’re tired and anxious and the to-do list seems to be tacked to our hearts for all the pain it causes.

Often, we look around and don’t speak the words out loud, but think them just the same. “Is that it?” I mean, You’re the God of the universe and You have all things in Your hands and under Your control. Couldn’t you provide a little more money to help those bills disappear or make me a bit more content with the man I’ve chosen to spend my life with? And I thought Oprah had it tough.

Is there ever a time when God doesn’t hear the murmurs? Again, not with our mouths but in our heart.

I’ve been guilty of this—of not being satisfied with the gifts I’ve been given. Yes, there will always be more to want, but today—at this moment—I’m satisfied. And I look to Him with a grateful heart and whisper, “Thank you, it is enough. More than enough.”

About Tricia: Tricia Goyer is the author of twenty-six books including Songbird Under a German Moon, The Swiss Courier, and the mommy memoir, Blue Like Play Dough. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mt. Hermon Writer’s Conference in 2003. Tricia’s book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like MomSense and Thriving Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in Little Rock, Arkansas where they are part of the ministry of FamilyLife. For more information, please visit www.triciagoyer.com

A three strand pearl necklace will be given away on New Year’s Day. All you need to do to have a chance of winning is {FILL OUT THIS QUICK ENTRY FORM}. The winner will be announced on the Pearl Girls Blog (http://margaretmcsweeney.blogspot.com) on New Years Day!

12 Pearls of Christmas Series and contest sponsored by Pearl Girls®. For more information, please visit www.pearlgirls.info

Welcome to day 3 of the 12 Pearls of Christmas. Our guest today shares what it’s like to suffer the loss of a loved one during the holidays and how important it is for all of us to reach out to those who may be hurting during this season.

The First Christmas
by Pat Ennis

It was October of my eighteenth year of life when my Dad stepped into eternity. As a college freshman, I not only had to deal with my own grief, I also was faced with the responsibility of helping my mother adjust to a new lifestyle. You see, when Dad died, she not only lost her husband of thirty years, she also lost her circle of friends. Suddenly the married couples (my Dad was the first of their group to die) didn’t know what to do about Mother—so they did nothing. Her grieving process was actually extended because of the withdrawal of her friends, many with whom she and Dad had enjoyed fellowship for years. 

Our plight was magnified by the reality that we did not have extended family and I was an only child. Quite frankly, the outlook for the holiday season appeared pretty dismal!

As the holidays approached, our neighbors, who embraced a different faith than we, graciously invited us to share their Christmas celebration with them. The sincere invitation, their effort to fold us into their family, inclusion in the gift exchange, and intentional conversation that focused on recounting the blessings of the year as well as looking forward to the next turned what could have been a miserable day into one of joy. Of course we missed our husband and Dad but the focus on the Lord’s provision for us through the hospitality of our neighbors (Philippians 4:8-9, 19) soothed our grieving spirits.

I have a happy ending to my Mother’s loss of her circle of friends that I described at the beginning of this story! Ever the gracious southern hostess, she did not cease to extend hospitality because of the change in her marital status—in the five years that she lived beyond Dad’s death, we entertained frequently, and eventually our guest list included widows from the group that had earlier excluded my Mother. Though her arthritic condition precluded her engaging in as much of the food preparation as she was accustomed to doing, she continued to help me hone the skills that were second nature to her. 

The loving hospitality extended to us on that first lonely Christmas served as a catalyst for Mom and me to open our home throughout the year—especially during the holiday season! Will you consider displaying biblical compassion by including some of the “others”—singles, widows, and the grieving in your holiday celebrations? Who, knows, you might be entertaining an angel incognito (Hebrews 13:2)!

About Pat: Dr. Patricia Ennis is author of Precious in His Sight: The Fine Art of Becoming a Godly Woman, co-author of Practicing Hospitality: The Joy of Serving Others,  and contributor to Pearl Girls, Experiencing Grit, Experiencing Grace. She’s also professor and establishing chairperson of the Department of Home Economics at The Master’s College. Visit Pat’s blog, Unfading Beauty for more information.

Enter to win a three strand pearl necklace, bracelet and earrings. All you need to do to is {FILL OUT THIS QUICK ENTRY FORM}. The winner will be announced on the Pearl Girls blog on New Years Day.

12 Pearls of Christmas Series and contest sponsored by Pearl Girls®. For more information, please visit www.pearlgirls.info

We went and saw Eat Pray Love last weekend. I just had to see it, even though I haven’t read the book yet. (I’ve got it on hold at the library, so it should be coming soon.) I was so curious about this story — a woman’s year-long spiritual memoir, as she travels through Italy, India, and Indonesia. Eat Pray Love. What a great title.

The book, which came out four years ago, is a true phenomenon. It’s #1 on the New York Times bestseller list in paperback nonfiction, and it’s made the list for 180 consecutive weeks. The author, Elizabeth Gilbert, has appeared on Oprah Winfrey telling her story, and of course now it’s a blockbuster movie starring Julia Roberts.

But I went to the movie not knowing much about the book, so I confess it was a little messy and confusing for me — real life is never as neat and tidy as fiction. This movie is a woman’s true story — a very brave woman in my opinion, and I admire her for being a writer willing to share it.

The film opens showing us the glamorous life Julia Roberts/Liz Gilbert is leading: she’s a travel writer based in New York who seemingly has it all: a cute husband who’s crazy about her, a beautiful home, career success with travel assignments around the world. What more could she want?

Yet something is amiss — Liz is unhappy. Although it’s not clear in the movie, she apparently doesn’t want to have a baby. She holds her friend’s baby and asks her, “How did you know you wanted this?” and her friend shows her a box full of little baby clothes that she’s kept for years. Liz then discloses that she’s kept this same type of box … full of magazine clips about travel destinations she longs to visit. She’s confused, and so are we, the movie watchers.

Liz decides to divorce her husband, and this bothered me the whole movie. It was the first time I can remember not sympathizing with a main character. I kept wanting her to wake up and realize she’d made a mistake — but she leaves her old life behind to embark on new adventures. She has a fling with an actor, who’s not quite as tantalizing when they’re in the laundry mat, broke, folding clothes together.

So Liz decides to see the world — these three “I” countries, Italy, India, Indonesia, as she explores her inner “I” and tries to heal from the mess she’s made of her life. Here’s something else that confused me — the movie doesn’t make it clear where she gets the money to do this. There was no scene where Liz approaches her agent or editor and snags a six-figure advance (as she does in real life) to finance her travels. The whole movie I kept wondering, “How does she have enough money to do this?” But in reality, she’s been paid up front to write a book.

So it’s a little similar to the Julie and Julia story and movie, except Julie Powell wrote her year-long blog first, which got picked up by a publisher and turned into a book, then a movie. Gilbert’s book idea was sold before she left, then her travels became a book, which became a movie. OK. See, I’m making this easy for you, so you won’t be as confused as I was.

The film itself is gorgeous. I loved traveling right along with Liz/Julia as she experiences the world far from the madding crowd of New York. (And oh, you’ll want to dive head-first into that Italian pasta!) I looked around the packed theater at people of all sizes and ages, realizing most of us couldn’t afford to travel even for a week to one of these countries. Yet for less than 10 bucks, we’re getting to eat, pray, and love our way through three. Pizza and gelato in Italy, silence and prayer in India, and fresh air and romance in Bali. *sigh.*

There are many reasons for seeing a movie, and here’s one where you’ll spend your money to escape, and that’s OK. For all of us scribblers, the fun part is that Liz is writing the whole time — emails back home, journal entries, tap-tap-tap into her laptop, as she’s forming her thoughts into a book. We can relate to this.

One more confusing thing I’ll clear up: the actress Julia Roberts is 42, although the woman she’s playing was only 31 when she took off on her journey. I think that’s an important point. As I watched the film, I personally felt relieved that I’d gotten most of my traveling out of my system in my early to mid-20s before marriage.

So back to that point I made in the beginning — I couldn’t sympathize with Liz who left her husband because she was unhappy. I kept thinking — why didn’t she and her husband travel together? That seems like more fun to me. When I watched Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side, I sympathized with her the whole movie, as did everybody. Liz is a more complex character, that’s for sure.

If you want to find out more nitty-gritty details about the PG-13 rating, check out the Plugged-In review. I definitely wouldn’t take any of my kids to see it. This is a movie you go see on a girls-night-out, in my opinion. But be prepared — the ending is a surprise for those who haven’t read the book.

Which I plan to do very soon!

Note:
I’m delighted to offer you an excerpt from author Peggy Nelson’s new book, Life with Lord Byron: Laughter, Romance and Lessons Learned From Golf’s Greatest Gentleman. Peggy is the widow of Byron Nelson, a champion golfer who still holds the world record for winning 18 PGA tournaments in 1945, including 11 in a row!

If you’d like to enter a drawing to win a FREE copy of Peggy Nelson’s book, please leave a comment below.
[Update: Congrats to holymama for winning this book!]

Byron showed his sensitivity to my feelings and moods in many ways, and of course one of the most critical was golf. Having been a teacher for more than fifty years by then, he realized women need to be treated differently, and he was always gentle in his suggestions as we played together during the first year of our marriage. However I was something of a special case. I just knew I could figure out this simple game all by myself, thank you. While I certainly respected his experience, when we were on the course, I was forever thinking about my score and would brook very little distraction while I was endeavoring to make a seven instead of an eight or nine. Silly, wasn’t it?

So, even though he made very few suggestions, within the first six months Byron saw there was a little problem. I would skull a chip across the green or chili-dip a pitch shot, and he would say, “Sweetheart, try that again with an eight iron this time.”

I would reply (minus the sweetheart), “No!” Or I would try what he had recommended, and if it didn’t work instantly, I would fling the offending club back into my bag and march on to the next hole without a word. I thought things were going swimmingly, but Lord Byron knew better.

One day in May 1987 I had just come home from Dallas where I had been working on a writing assignment for Scottish Rite Hospital. Byron met me at the door with the latest issue of Golf Digest magazine in his hand.

“Sweetheart, I just read this article called ‘How To Play Golf With Your Spouse,’ and I want you to read it. I underlined everything I’ve been doing wrong, and I’m going to change, because if I don’t change, you’re not going to want to play golf with me any more, and you may not even want to stay married to me!”

I melted, of course, as well as feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. There I was, balking at advice from the greatest golfer/teacher ever, and he’s taking all the blame for my frustration on the course. I took the magazine from his hands and sat down next to him. After a number of hugs and kisses and a few tears on my part, I read the article as he had instructed. Naturally the piece was not written for professional golfer husbands who had won five majors, fifty-four tournaments, eleven in a row, eighteen in a year, and taught other pros like Watson, Venturi, and Ward. No, it was designed more for the eighteen handicappers, who wouldn’t know “you looked up” from U.S. Open rough.

We talked about it a little bit and finally figured out that, as silly as it was, I preferred to play on my own when I was on the course, instead of thinking all the time that he was going to want me to try another club or re-do a shot. So from that moment on, he would only offer advice when I asked him during a round.

Oddly enough, that made it easier for me to ask, which I did a lot more often over the years. The result was that, even playing only once or twice a week, I went from a thirty to a sixteen. And let’s not think about how much better I could have been if I had sat at the feet of this master of golf and tried to learn all I could about the game. As he told me years later, he really wouldn’t have wanted me to get so gung-ho that I would be in single digits. He knew how much work that would take and felt it wouldn’t have made me happy anyway. Byron always felt the happiest golfers he knew were the 80-85 shooters, who made enough pars to keep them happy, an occasional birdie for an extra lift, and the occasional double bogey to keep them humble.

Tagging the Master
Oh, it was so much fun playing with him! Not only could Byron still play very well during the first several years of our marriage, but he seemed to get more kick out of my occasional ripping good shot than he did his own. One time we were playing at Riverhill in Kerrville. I was about a twenty-five, and he was about a ten. So we were on the ninth tee, a great, really tough par four, and the forward tees were only a few yards ahead of the whites. He hit an excellent drive, and for once I tagged one that rolled a few yards past his ball.

After rejoicing about my drive, Byron hit a pure little three-iron that ended up on the green about a foot away from the pin for a kick-in birdie. I, my brilliant drive notwithstanding, hit my three-wood amazingly fat and rolled it about thirty yards. Madder than a wet hen, I took out my four-iron, and thinking fairly murderous thoughts, swung blindly at that wretched white ball. Blinking in amazement I watched it sail up and straight onto the green, where it disappeared into the hole for a three. I got a stroke on the hole from Mr. Nelson that particular day!

You would think he’d be a little crestfallen after hitting two wonderful shots and getting an easy birdie but then getting beat by his floundering wife, thanks to that mysterious fiend known as “the rub of the green.” No, my champion absolutely whooped with joy over it and proudly told the story dozens of times afterwards to anyone who would listen. What a hero! “How to play golf with your spouse” indeed!

About the Author:
Peggy Nelson lived most of her life in Ohio, then moved to Texas in 1986 to marry world-renowned professional golfer Byron Nelson. She assisted Byron in the writing of his autobiography, How I Played the Game. Peggy delights in her many friends, in visits to and from her sons and their families, and in the thousands of happy memories she has of her life with her beloved Byron.

P.S. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love Peggy Nelson’s book, complements of Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. It would make a great gift for any golfers in your circle of family and friends. Leave a comment and you’ll have a chance to win a free copy, which also contains a CD interview, “Byron Nelson Remembers 1945: Golf’s Unforgettable Year.”

I’m pretty shy online when it comes to writing about my family. They’re wonderful, and I love them, but I also love my privacy. So I scribble about my husband and children mostly in my journal.

But recently, I felt compelled to chime in at YLCF on the topic of long-distance dating. Yowza. Get me off my high horse! I have serious concerns about girls who will pour out their hearts in online relationships, thinking they know a guy just because he’s good at writing the words they long to read.

It’s scary. And dangerous. And yes, I’ve even heard of girls who’ve gone so far as to MARRY someone they know mostly through the internet, and then later discover the man’s a creep. So, I wanted to voice my concerns that girls need to be very careful they know a guy and his family well — as IN PERSON — before they give him any encouragement.

After being married nearly sixteen years, I guess I’ve learned a thing or two about what kind of man makes a great husband and father. I count my blessings every day! I hope you’ll come read my post, Absence Makes the Heart Grow: 15-year Perspective, where I share a little about my husband and how our long-distance relationship led to marriage.

Christy Scannell is visiting with us today to share about a topic I hadn’t given much thought to until now: the stressful role of being married to a pastor.

Although Christy isn’t a pastor’s wife, she and fellow author, Ginger Kolbaba, researched this topic extensively while writing their first novel together, Desperate Pastors’ Wives.

Christy is associate editor of The San Diego Metropolitan, a monthly business magazine, and The North Park News, a quaint community newspaper. She’s also a freelance editor and a featured columnist for the new magazine, Catholic Couples. She mentors for the Christian Writers Guild and is a staff member of The Christian Communicator, among many other positions that keep her busy traveling around the country!

Hi Christy, and welcome! Can you tell us why you decided to write a novel focusing on the role of pastors’ wives?

There is no other role in our society that has the same kinds of pressures a pastor’s wife (PW) has. When a pastor interviews with a church, the PW is often brought in during the process.

Sometimes that is a friendly meet-and-greet kind of experience, but other times it is a grueling “what do you bring to the table” kind of interaction.

And it only gets worse from there at some churches — PWs are asked to lead every ministry imaginable, and meanwhile they are critiqued on everything, from how they dress to how their children behave to whether their chicken casserole is up to par. (Note that I said “some” churches — treatment of PWs obviously varies from church to church, and many are wonderfully loving to their pastor families.)

Are you or your co-author, Ginger Kolbaba, personally familiar with the role of being a pastor’s wife?

Neither of us is married to a pastor, but Ginger’s dad is a pastor so she was raised in a pastor’s home. Over the years, though, we’ve known many PWs through our work in Christian publishing and our attendance at various churches.

How did you go about researching your novel? Did you interview any pastors’ wives?

Yes, we talked to a lot of PWs personally and used some of their stories. We also drew from stories we’d heard in the past. And we read some PW websites where PWs post their stories anonymously. We didn’t use any of the stories we read on the websites, but reading them helped us know our characters were in line with what many PWs experience.

Wow. I had no idea that PWs have their own websites. Your book has really made me think more about the difficult role of being a pastor’s wife. Can you give us any specific examples of why these women might feel “desperate” at times?

There is no other role like the PW. The only role I can liken it to is perhaps the First Lady of the president or a governor’s wife. But although First Ladies are critiqued for what they do and how they look, it is not through a lens that is based in religion.

So while we might look at a First Lady and say she isn’t supportive of her husband, when we do that to our pastor’s wife, we are not only saying she is unsupportive, we are implying that she is somehow not fulfilling her role as a Christian. And that distinction gives the PWs’ hurts and sorrows much more impact than a First Lady’s.

That does sound like it can lead to feelings of desperation.

Some of what PWs experience is brought on by churches with extraordinary expectations, or churches that don’t recognize a PW is doing the best she can. Other bad situations for PWs arise from certain church members who, while perhaps well meaning, make a PW feel she is not living up to some unwritten standards.

According to one study, 80 percent of PWs feel left out and underappreciated by their churches! Another problem is pastor-husbands who are not supportive of their wives, many because they are under so much stress themselves from church responsibilities.

In another survey, the majority of PWs said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry. Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages end in divorce.

I had no idea! What are some ways we, as church members, can reach out to encourage our pastor’s wife?

There are two levels: small and large. At the small level, simply telling a PW she is loved or appreciated can make a world of difference. Give her a compliment. Drop her a card. Take her a plate of cookies or a bottle of bubble bath. Offer to take her kids to the park for an hour so she can relax.

On the larger level, churches need to build stress-relieving benefits into their pastors’ compensation packages. Ninety percent of pastors work more than 46 hours per week and rarely take vacations.

Churches should help their pastors plan for two or three vacations per year by providing pulpit supply, paid time off, and even a paid location. Also, at least once a year, the church should pay for the pastor and his wife to go on a retreat, either on their own or at a pastoral retreat center, where they can relax and renew.

Finally, every church should provide their pastor with a list of counselors he can contact in confidence should he or his family need assistance (there are many pastoral counseling centers where pastor families can receive help without their churches knowing).

These are great ideas, Christy. Can you tell us how you and Ginger Kolbaba got started writing a novel series together?

Ginger and I were born exactly ten months apart (Feb. 28 and Dec. 28). We were both “only” children who were raised in Akron, Ohio. We grew up in the same small church denomination, although we did not attend the same church (Ginger’s dad was the pastor at her church).

Then we both attended and graduated from the same, small Christian college. She was a year behind me, and we knew “of” each other because she was a theater standout and I was editor of the college newspaper. But with all of that in common, we were not even acquaintances.

Fast forward to around 1999. Ginger was working for a Christian magazine, and I was working for a Christian book publisher. We were both on staff at the Florida Christian Writers conference, and when we saw each other we did the “aren’t you…” questioning and found we were indeed those campus co-eds from the late 80s. During that conference, we enjoyed finally getting acquainted and reminiscing about our college years. As we parted, we exchanged contact info.

Well, as it turns out there were many more of those Christian writers’ conferences in our future, because that’s where editors go to find writers to edit. At most of the conferences, the staff has to share rooms due to tight quarters, so Ginger and I chose to pre-select each other as roomies. Over the next few years, we grew to be great friends during our little junkets.

In 2005, we were back in Florida for that same conference where we originally met. By that time, we had started coming into the conference towns early so we could have dinner and catch up before our duties began. It was at this dinner in Tampa that we started talking about writing a book together.

Neither of us really remembers how the topic of pastors’ wives came up, except that we knew we needed to write about something that hadn’t been done a million times. First we tossed around a non-fiction treatment, but then we decided fiction might be more fun (neither of us had written it before) and allow us liberties that non-fiction wouldn’t.

The title — Desperate Pastors’ Wives — was just a natural for what we were proposing. I don’t know which of us came up with it, but we knew right away that it would be our marketing tool.

At the conference, we met with an agent who liked our idea and said to mail him the proposal. Encouraged, we stayed up every night of that conference outlining our characters and plot (I apologize to whomever was rooming next to us for all the giggling!). We also devised a way to split up the writing.

When we returned to our respective homes (she in Chicago and me in Southern Cal), we emailed and phoned until we had the book figured out. Excited, we mailed our proposal to the agent. He was thankfully quick to get back to us.

Thanks, but no thanks, he said.

Oh no! I bet that was a disappointment after all of your hard work!

We were crumpled but not crushed. We knew we had a good idea — we just needed someone to help us finesse it a bit.

That same week, Ginger was having lunch with a fiction editor friend, and Ginger mentioned our floundering proposal. The editor loved the idea and said she would take a look at it and let us know how we might “fix” it. She also said Howard Books, a publisher for whom she freelanced, was looking for a new fiction series, and they might be interested in ours.

She did, we did, and they were. Within weeks, we had a contract not only for one book, but for the three-book series we proposed. We were floored that a publisher was not only taking a chance on unpublished fiction authors, but agreeing to three books.

A few months later, Howard was bought by Simon & Schuster, so we lucked into the extra panache of publishing an S&S book.

What kind of an impact do you hope your novel will have on readers?

First of all, I hope it lets PWs know that they are appreciated and understood. We’ve already received e-mails from some thanking us for writing about them (or what they perceived to “be” them!) so I am confident that ministry is already taking place.

Second, I hope churchgoers realize how difficult it is for PWs to juggle church responsibilities and private life. Perhaps more people will approach their PWs with compassion after they read the book.

Third, I hope readers, regardless of church affiliation, come away with a feeling of sisterhood. No matter what kinds of lives we women lead, we do face many of the same trials. It helps to support each other.

There are two more novels in the series — will these be coming out soon?

The second book, A Matter of Wife and Death, will be out in March 2008. We are really excited about this book because it allowed us to go further in-depth with the characters. And we took the big leap of killing off one of them! A third book will follow, probably in March 2009.

Thanks so much for visiting here! I’ve learned a ton from this interview, and I’m going to send my pastor’s wife a card this week and tell her how much we appreciate her. Your book makes me realize how stressful her role can be.

Thank you for this opportunity!

You can learn more about Desperate Pastors’ Wives co-authors Christy Scannell and Ginger Kolbaba through visiting their websites. And look for their novel out in stores now or check it out here on Amazon.

This is one of the sweetest things ever.

I’ve been a reader of Amy’s Humble Musings blog ever since a google search on the word “humble” led me there — nearly two years ago.

Amy is sick — very, very sick — with a sixth pregnancy. Too sick to go anywhere near her computer. So her husband has taken over her blog!

This just makes me smile — if you want to know what it’s like for a rocket scientist (really!) father of five very young, homeschooled children to manage a home while his wife suffers through morning (all-day) sickness, you’ll have to visit.

I hope the Scotts will one day write a book together on marriage and family. They’re BOTH wonderful writers!

Please keep Amy in your prayers!

We have a wonderful guest today, Sheila Wray Gregoire. Sheila has a heart for ministering to women who need encouragement in their homes and marriages, and she writes the “Reality Check” syndicated newspaper column. As the author of four humorous, inspirational books, Sheila has so much to share with us!

Hi Sheila. Welcome to Mom 2 Mom Connection! How did you get interested in ministering to women?

Well, it turns out I was born a woman. Honestly. I don’t think I ever was a kid. I had a lonely childhood, due to my parents’ divorce, but I always knew that God loved me. And I knew that the only hope I had of finding my own peace as an adult was to make sure I was smack in the middle of God’s will for my life.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

How I got started writing is a funny story. I never meant to. When my son was in the hospital, I overheard a nurse tell another nurse a really funny story of something she had done that weekend. I sent it into Reader’s Digest and made $160!

Wow! I’ve heard it’s really tough to get into Reader’s Digest. Way to go!

I figured that was pretty easy money, so I started writing for magazines. And that’s when I realized that I could use writing as a way to help other women find joy in their lives. It’s been a really fun ride!

Can you tell us a little about your family?

I have two girls who pick at each other like crazy and love each other whole-heartedly. The dinner table is far too full of jokes about flatulent gas and belches for my liking, but what can you do? Rebecca is 12 and Katie is 9, and we hoped they’d grow out of it, but perhaps that’s wishful thinking.

I’ve been married to Keith for 15 years, and happily married to him for about 11. Those four years factor quite heavily in my book, Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight!

I’m also the mom to Christopher, a baby who will forever be 29 days old, the age he was when he left us and went to be with Jesus. You face a crossroads when you lose a child. Keith and I decided we were going to cling to each other and not let his death pull us apart, and I’m so glad that we did.

Sheila, I read your story, The Least of These, about losing Christopher, and it ministered to me, as I’m sure it touches all who read about your experience.

I write more about what we went through in my latest book, How Big Is Your Umbrella, to help people who are yelling and raging at God, to hear the things that he often whispers back during our darkest times.

You’ve written several other books to encourage women. To Love, Honor, and Vacuum has the hilarious subtitle, “When you feel like a maid more than a mother.” How did you come up with that?

I don’t know how I come up with my titles. They always appear before the book does. I have about 10 other good titles in my head, but I don’t know what those books are supposed to be about! Hopefully it will come to me.

Do you have any suggestions for those of us who are feeling a little burned out on the never-ending housework treadmill?

If you’re feeling burned out, I think it’s important to remember this: God cares more about you than he does about the size of the dust bunnies under your bed. So relax! Stop aiming for perfect. Your house is never going to be perfect all at the same time anyway, so why try?

When we aim for perfect, we cocoon. No one can ever come over because they might see how we really live! So we spend our lives yelling at our kids for making messes, and watching the Home & Garden channel and feeling so depressed and guilty that we pull out the bag of chips. It’s completely self-defeating.

We need our homes to be comfortable. We don’t need them to be perfect. And there’s a big difference. Perfect means people are scared to come in because they might mess something up. Comfortable means people feel like they can be themselves.

Of course, comfort implies a certain level of cleanliness. You can’t be scared of catching some communicable disease in the bathroom or kitchen. But it’s okay if your knitting is lying around. Mine sure is!

Is it possible for us to get our husbands and children to help out with the housework?

Children—absolutely! You mean they’re not already?? Husbands, we’ll get to that in a minute. That’s a little thornier.

But kids need to be doing housework. Not helping with housework. Because it’s not your job! It’s theirs, too. Think of it this way: the best gift you can give your future daughter-in-law is a son who cleans toilets. That will be a good marriage!

Wow! I never thought of it that way. I’ve got some training to do! Sheila, what kind of housework do you think kids should be able to do?

By “housework”, I don’t mean tidying their rooms and making their beds. That’s just looking after themselves.

Kids need to be trained to think of others. Even a three-year-old can dust a coffee table, albeit not well. In my book, I outline a way we can tie allowances to chores, so that kids learn to manage money, too. But get kids working! It’s important for character development, and it’s important for your sanity.

As for husbands, it would be very nice to have them help, and I have lots of tips in my book of how you can encourage them in that regard. But a word of caution: you can’t make him do anything, nor should you. And nagging never works.

Men thrive on appreciation, not condemnation. If we appreciate them when they do help, rather than point out how they did it wrong, they may be more inclined to help again.

I also think it’s more important for men to help with the childcare than to help with the housework. Each family is different, and in some families the husband works outside the home a lot more than the wife does.

It’s probably more appropriate there that she does more of the housework. But he still needs to spend time with the kids, no matter how much time he spends at work. When my husband was working ridiculous hours during his medical training, I didn’t want him to come home and vacuum. I wanted him to come home and bathe the kids. And I still think that’s a good rule!

Right now, I’m typing this and he’s reading to my daughters before bed. And I’m perfectly content, even though the dishes need doing.

Does housework really have an impact on marriages?

You betcha. Just ask any woman who feels taken for granted! The problem, I think, is that women today are often run ragged with keeping up with the house, and the kids, and the dentist appointments, and all that stuff that men find rather boring and not that important.

And if women feel like they do the “boring” stuff, while men get to do the fun stuff, like working, then they can feel like their husbands don’t really respect them. They just expect their wives to be there to look after them. Well, what’s the difference between that and hiring a maid, other than what happens after dark, so to speak?

I’m glad you’re bringing this point up — because I sometimes feel like a maid. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, I feel like I shouldn’t ask for help with housework. (It’s my job, right?) My husband works all day and spends three hours in the car commuting. But I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

In the book, I recount the story of my friend Diane, who was feeling very disrespected. “Every day,” she told me, “I lay out his clothes, look after the kids, pick up after everybody, make dinner, and then he gets home and eats it in front of the TV. He goes out with the friends, and he never offers to bathe the kids or anything. Then he gets back late, and you know what he wants?” (I think we all know what he wants.)

Diane felt like he never showed her any appreciation or respect. And when women feel that way, it’s really hard to feel intimate with our mates.

What To Love, Honor and Vacuum does is to show women how we can change how we act. When we do that, he’s bound to change, too.

But even if he doesn’t, we’ll still end up happier and more at peace. It’s taking control back into our own hands, and going to God for our fulfillment, rather than trying to “fix” our husbands. And when we take steps to act appropriately, and to be neither doormats nor tyrants, it’s amazing how our relationships can improve.

That sounds so helpful! Sheila, from your time spent speaking and writing to women, what do you think is the biggest challenge facing today’s mothers?

We expect way too much of ourselves. Fifty years ago, when my father-in-law was a boy, his mother would make him a sandwich, and then he would run off to an ice pond a mile away from their house with eight other boys and play hockey all day.

No adults around. No helmets. No protection whatsoever. And she was considered a good mother.

Today, we’d be reported for that. Our culture has completely changed. And we expect ourselves to have perfect kids and perfect homes and sometimes even a perfect career, and we forget that all God wants is that we be obedient. And He doesn’t ask us to have perfect living rooms. He asks us to share who we really are. And it’s okay to not be perfect. And it’s much more fun!

That’s true! Can you tell us more about your latest book?

How Big Is Your Umbrella: Weathering the Storms of Life, is a little bit different for me. I usually write strictly about parenting, but this book is about losing — losing a child, losing a job, losing a marriage, losing whatever is dearest to us.

So often when a friend is hurting we don’t know what to say. This book is short and non-threatening, a good gift for a friend who needs some encouragement.

Do you have any closing advice for today’s moms who are feeling a bit frazzled — but want to hang in there and be the best wives and moms they can be?

God first, husband second, you third, kids last.

I think we tend to completely reverse that. But give God time, even if it means praying in the bubble bath while eating chocolates. And don’t let kids interfere with your marriage! Kids need you to have a strong marriage, even more than they need you to spend a lot of time with them. Get those priorities straight, and everything falls into place.

Thank you so much, Sheila! This is great advice!

Sheila Wray Gregoire writes a syndicated newspaper parenting column, Reality Check, which she sends out by ezine every week. You can sign up for it here, and you’ll be entered in a draw to win a bunch of Sheila’s books and audio recordings! She’ll make the draw April 30.