Comments on: Teens in the Blogosphere http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/ Encouragement for writing parents and for anyone who loves inspiring books for kids Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:56:18 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Mom 2 Mom Connection » Blog Archive » Are You Raising Teenagers? http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-1638 Mom 2 Mom Connection » Blog Archive » Are You Raising Teenagers? Tue, 23 May 2006 14:47:05 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-1638 [...] A couple of months ago, we had a discussion here about Teens in the Blogosphere. That post is still one of my most highly viewed posts from the search engines. Yet I feel completely inadequate to be any kind of authority on raising teenagers, since my own children are all much younger. [...] [...] A couple of months ago, we had a discussion here about Teens in the Blogosphere. That post is still one of my most highly viewed posts from the search engines. Yet I feel completely inadequate to be any kind of authority on raising teenagers, since my own children are all much younger. [...]

]]> By: Kathy http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-546 Kathy Mon, 13 Mar 2006 18:26:18 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-546 I am very concerned about my stepdaughter and myspace. Her mother does not see anything wrong with this site and overrode her father say in getting off of it. I did tell her about all the inappropriate pictures we found of her daughter and would send them to her. The mother refused to see them and again said see does not see the harm in the site. My stepdaughter has put her last name, IM name, cell phone number, high school she attends and her activities in high school. We are very worried and have no idea what we can do. We use to monitor the site but she totally blocked us and no one can watch what she is doing.. I am very concerned about my stepdaughter and myspace. Her mother does not see anything wrong with this site and overrode her father say in getting off of it. I did tell her about all the inappropriate pictures we found of her daughter and would send them to her. The mother refused to see them and again said see does not see the harm in the site. My stepdaughter has put her last name, IM name, cell phone number, high school she attends and her activities in high school. We are very worried and have no idea what we can do. We use to monitor the site but she totally blocked us and no one can watch what she is doing..

]]> By: Miss Roxie http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-491 Miss Roxie Wed, 08 Mar 2006 02:10:52 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-491 Your original question was about privacy and teens, and parental snooping ... I think a parent is downright foolish if they don't follow their gut instinct. If a parent feels the need to snoop, then you can certainly pray about it, but my guess is, there is something gnawing at you that is giving you a reason to snoop. Follow your instincts. Better to find nothing and feel privately foolish than to miss something you needed to find because you read somewhere that it was wrong to snoop. ‘Snoop’ is not a good word anyway. I would call it ‘checking up’ on things. Checking up on your children is parenting. Knowing what your child is thinking and feeling is parenting. Finding ways to communicate with your child is parenting. Following your gut feelings about each child ( as they are all different) is parenting. Just because your children have reached a 'certain age' doesn't mean that age is magic or that they know everything all of a sudden. I believe we are called on to always be watchful and mindful of the world around us and protect our children. As some here have mentioned, we do the groundwork when the children are young, and maybe we are fortunate to have less of a burden in this area of open communication. We develop our ability to speak openly and ask the hard questions by _doing it_, not by shying away. Do teens ‘deserve’ privacy? Yes, but maybe ‘need’ more than deserve. But they deserve to be protected more than they deserve or need privacy. My advice to all parents of teens is to not put yourself in a situation where you have distanced yourself from their rooms, or areas where they hang out. Come in and out, and be an active part of their surroundings. Bring them a drink, or put a shirt in a draw, ruffle their hair, kiss them on the forehead, comment on the sunset, and then leave. Make your children feel used to and comfortable with your presence. But here I am digressing… But as long as I’m posting my opinion here, for the entire world to see, I want to add; there is nothing wrong with a parent being ‘discrete’ in discussing things ‘found’ with their children. I'm not saying we have to tell lies, but if a source needs to be protected, I wouldn't feel bad about protecting it. Meaning, if you snooped and found something, and you don't want to say you snooped because it would make things worse for your relationship, then I think a parent need not hesitate to get creative about how they approach the subject. One must always weigh out what is the most important thing going on at the time, and stay focused on the most important subject at hand. Your original question was about privacy and teens, and parental snooping … I think a parent is downright foolish if they don’t follow their gut instinct. If a parent feels the need to snoop, then you can certainly pray about it, but my guess is, there is something gnawing at you that is giving you a reason to snoop. Follow your instincts. Better to find nothing and feel privately foolish than to miss something you needed to find because you read somewhere that it was wrong to snoop.

‘Snoop’ is not a good word anyway. I would call it ‘checking up’ on things.

Checking up on your children is parenting. Knowing what your child is thinking and feeling is parenting. Finding ways to communicate with your child is parenting. Following your gut feelings about each child ( as they are all different) is parenting.

Just because your children have reached a ‘certain age’ doesn’t mean that age is magic or that they know everything all of a sudden.

I believe we are called on to always be watchful and mindful of the world around us and protect our children.

As some here have mentioned, we do the groundwork when the children are young, and maybe we are fortunate to have less of a burden in this area of open communication. We develop our ability to speak openly and ask the hard questions by _doing it_, not by shying away.

Do teens ‘deserve’ privacy? Yes, but maybe ‘need’ more than deserve. But they deserve to be protected more than they deserve or need privacy.

My advice to all parents of teens is to not put yourself in a situation where you have distanced yourself from their rooms, or areas where they hang out. Come in and out, and be an active part of their surroundings. Bring them a drink, or put a shirt in a draw, ruffle their hair, kiss them on the forehead, comment on the sunset, and then leave. Make your children feel used to and comfortable with your presence. But here I am digressing…

But as long as I’m posting my opinion here, for the entire world to see, I want to add; there is nothing wrong with a parent being ‘discrete’ in discussing things ‘found’ with their children. I’m not saying we have to tell lies, but if a source needs to be protected, I wouldn’t feel bad about protecting it. Meaning, if you snooped and found something, and you don’t want to say you snooped because it would make things worse for your relationship, then I think a parent need not hesitate to get creative about how they approach the subject. One must always weigh out what is the most important thing going on at the time, and stay focused on the most important subject at hand.

]]> By: Heather http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-464 Heather Sat, 04 Mar 2006 13:51:14 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-464 Diane, Have you heard of the author, Barbara Johnson? She has written several hilarious, encouraging books for moms. I don't know how her story turned out, but she did have a prodigal son for many years. I have one of her earlier books called "Pain is Inevitable, but Misery is Optional, so Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy!" I love this book. I have another one but can't think of the title right now -- something about taking a spatula to scrape yourself off the ceiling when you discover something shocking about your child. Does anyone else know? Diane,
Have you heard of the author, Barbara Johnson? She has written several hilarious, encouraging books for moms. I don’t know how her story turned out, but she did have a prodigal son for many years. I have one of her earlier books called “Pain is Inevitable, but Misery is Optional, so Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy!” I love this book. I have another one but can’t think of the title right now — something about taking a spatula to scrape yourself off the ceiling when you discover something shocking about your child. Does anyone else know?

]]> By: Diane Viere http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-456 Diane Viere Fri, 03 Mar 2006 21:34:09 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-456 I wholeheartedly agree with your post and the comments that followed. I have three children, 25, 23, and 14. If we had only parented our oldest child--my husband and I could have said, "We are great parents!" Then, with our second child--we learned that children come pre-packaged...and of course, are to be handled with care. Yes, we parented both children (and our third) with similar values, standards, and prayer coverage. Still, our 2nd child, who is now 23, has taken the prodigals way. We are leaning about parenting from a distance, in spite of our efforts to hold him close by. Thankfully, our God understands and loves prodigals--he waits for the world to come home. While many of your posters do not have wayward children, if any of you know another who is struggling with a lost-child...please forward them to www.prayingforaprodigal.blogspot.com This blog is dedicated to encouraging, strengthening, and supporting parents...who are standing in the gap for their children. Many times, when this happens, parents feel so isolated. While well-meaning comments from friends are welcome; there is such a bond when knowing that others truly understand and have experienced the heart ache that naturally follows a prodigal. I'm thankful there for your blog. Mothers need support! I love the energy I feel when I read your comments/posts. I love how everyone shares and encourages. You have a great blog! Diane I wholeheartedly agree with your post and the comments that followed. I have three children, 25, 23, and 14. If we had only parented our oldest child–my husband and I could have said, “We are great parents!” Then, with our second child–we learned that children come pre-packaged…and of course, are to be handled with care. Yes, we parented both children (and our third) with similar values, standards, and prayer coverage. Still, our 2nd child, who is now 23, has taken the prodigals way. We are leaning about parenting from a distance, in spite of our efforts to hold him close by. Thankfully, our God understands and loves prodigals–he waits for the world to come home.

While many of your posters do not have wayward children, if any of you know another who is struggling with a lost-child…please forward them to http://www.prayingforaprodigal.blogspot.com
This blog is dedicated to encouraging, strengthening, and supporting parents…who are standing in the gap for their children. Many times, when this happens, parents feel so isolated. While well-meaning comments from friends are welcome; there is such a bond when knowing that others truly understand and have experienced the heart ache that naturally follows a prodigal.

I’m thankful there for your blog. Mothers need support! I love the energy I feel when I read your comments/posts. I love how everyone shares and encourages. You have a great blog!

Diane

]]> By: sally apokedak http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-454 sally apokedak Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:23:32 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-454 OK, but remember, you asked. =0) I agree with many of these posts but particularly with Spunky. Talk to the kids early and long, I think. Communication is the key to healthy relationships. My big problem with the computer is not stalkers, but porn. It is so accessible and so tempting to boys (and men and women are not immune, either--online affairs are not uncommon). I am pretty sure I will never have a computer in a child's room. When I write my emails, anyone in the family can come by and read my stuff and when they write emails and are surfing we can all see what they are doing. I also take the internet modem with me when I leave the house. My kids both have blogs and they have their personal info on them. But then I never taught my kids not to talk to strangers, either. I have a theory that when the Bible tells us to love our neighbors that means we aren't allowed to be afraid of our neighbors. Yes, I'm terrified that one day someone will abduct my sweet babies and use and abuse and murder them. I'm also terrified that my son will break his neck diving or my daughter will break her back on the trampoline. I could easily lock them away and never let them out of the house. I don't think our decisions should be driven by fear, though. Our kids don't need to jump on trampolines, ride in cars, or play in the germy McDonald's play places. Our kids don't need to go swimming or eat hot dogs or play with balloons. All these things are dangerous and they are not required by God so why not skip them? Well, I don't skip them because I want my kids to live dangerously. Why? Because we are required to love our neighbors and that is a dangerous proposition. I don't want my kids being afraid of strangers. I don't want them crossing the street when they see the homeless man. I don't want them fearful of serving in the bad side of town or in a foreign country. So I have always taught my kids to talk to strangers. And I have to trust God to protect them or not as he sees fit. Don't get me wrong, I know where my kids are every minute of the day. I homeschool because I very much want to protect them. But what I care most about protecting are their hearts. I want them to love others and trust God with a radical faith that allows them to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others. No, we are not required to have internet access let alone to have blogs. I have no problem with a family shunning these activities. My only point here is that we need to shun things for the right reasons. Fear, does not seem to me to be proper motivation. At the same time, hanging out with friends and having a good time does not seem to be proper motivation for having a blog, either. The internet is like anything else, a tool that can be used for good or ill. Are the kids using to become more loving and Christ-like or as mindless entertainment? That's enough for me to worry about and I'm happy to let God take care of the stalkers. Of course I have been told by many people that I am imprudent and I lack common sense. So while I try to live this way, I don't mean to imply that others must and I don't even say for sure that I'm right. These are just my thoughts at this juncture. My view has changed as I've grown and it will probably change more as I progress. OK, but remember, you asked. =0)

I agree with many of these posts but particularly with Spunky. Talk to the kids early and long, I think. Communication is the key to healthy relationships.

My big problem with the computer is not stalkers, but porn. It is so accessible and so tempting to boys (and men and women are not immune, either–online affairs are not uncommon). I am pretty sure I will never have a computer in a child’s room. When I write my emails, anyone in the family can come by and read my stuff and when they write emails and are surfing we can all see what they are doing. I also take the internet modem with me when I leave the house.

My kids both have blogs and they have their personal info on them. But then I never taught my kids not to talk to strangers, either. I have a theory that when the Bible tells us to love our neighbors that means we aren’t allowed to be afraid of our neighbors. Yes, I’m terrified that one day someone will abduct my sweet babies and use and abuse and murder them. I’m also terrified that my son will break his neck diving or my daughter will break her back on the trampoline. I could easily lock them away and never let them out of the house.

I don’t think our decisions should be driven by fear, though. Our kids don’t need to jump on trampolines, ride in cars, or play in the germy McDonald’s play places. Our kids don’t need to go swimming or eat hot dogs or play with balloons. All these things are dangerous and they are not required by God so why not skip them? Well, I don’t skip them because I want my kids to live dangerously.

Why? Because we are required to love our neighbors and that is a dangerous proposition. I don’t want my kids being afraid of strangers. I don’t want them crossing the street when they see the homeless man. I don’t want them fearful of serving in the bad side of town or in a foreign country.

So I have always taught my kids to talk to strangers. And I have to trust God to protect them or not as he sees fit.

Don’t get me wrong, I know where my kids are every minute of the day. I homeschool because I very much want to protect them. But what I care most about protecting are their hearts. I want them to love others and trust God with a radical faith that allows them to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others.

No, we are not required to have internet access let alone to have blogs. I have no problem with a family shunning these activities. My only point here is that we need to shun things for the right reasons. Fear, does not seem to me to be proper motivation. At the same time, hanging out with friends and having a good time does not seem to be proper motivation for having a blog, either. The internet is like anything else, a tool that can be used for good or ill. Are the kids using to become more loving and Christ-like or as mindless entertainment? That’s enough for me to worry about and I’m happy to let God take care of the stalkers.

Of course I have been told by many people that I am imprudent and I lack common sense. So while I try to live this way, I don’t mean to imply that others must and I don’t even say for sure that I’m right. These are just my thoughts at this juncture. My view has changed as I’ve grown and it will probably change more as I progress.

]]> By: Heather http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-447 Heather Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:35:18 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-447 Wow -- Keep these coming. I'm so sorry that I didn't get these posted until this morning. I've turned the comment moderator off, but for some reason, these posts were waiting to be moderated. I didn't get email notification until this morning, so I apologize to those of you who sent these yesterday afternoon. I REALLY appreciate your comments, especially those of you who have raised teenagers or are doing so now -- you are mentors to me! I sometimes feel overwhelmed just thinking about those years ahead. But I know God will be there to lead us through. I'm going to put a link here to one of my all-time favorite posts from Spunky -- if y'all haven't read this yet, it's truly an example of how I want my children to talk when they're teens: http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2005/05/dont-bend-wire.html Wow — Keep these coming. I’m so sorry that I didn’t get these posted until this morning. I’ve turned the comment moderator off, but for some reason, these posts were waiting to be moderated. I didn’t get email notification until this morning, so I apologize to those of you who sent these yesterday afternoon.

I REALLY appreciate your comments, especially those of you who have raised teenagers or are doing so now — you are mentors to me! I sometimes feel overwhelmed just thinking about those years ahead. But I know God will be there to lead us through.

I’m going to put a link here to one of my all-time favorite posts from Spunky — if y’all haven’t read this yet, it’s truly an example of how I want my children to talk when they’re teens:
http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2005/05/dont-bend-wire.html

]]> By: HolyMama! http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-446 HolyMama! Fri, 03 Mar 2006 05:39:34 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-446 great points - some i haven't thought about yet, and haven't had to with my own kids. Yet. When i write something publicly, I do it with the full knowledge that anyone at all has access to it. Those relatives that don't like me? Yeah. My kids when they're older? yep. Public is public. I did stumble upon a blog of someone I knew - a teenager. I read for awhile, decided she wouldn't want me reading it and I didn't feel right about it after awhile. I stopped reading it and never mentioned it to her - but that was my choice. She made it public. great points – some i haven’t thought about yet, and haven’t had to with my own kids. Yet.

When i write something publicly, I do it with the full knowledge that anyone at all has access to it. Those relatives that don’t like me? Yeah. My kids when they’re older? yep. Public is public. I did stumble upon a blog of someone I knew – a teenager. I read for awhile, decided she wouldn’t want me reading it and I didn’t feel right about it after awhile. I stopped reading it and never mentioned it to her – but that was my choice. She made it public.

]]> By: anonymous for this post http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-445 anonymous for this post Fri, 03 Mar 2006 05:29:46 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-445 I've been through this so will leave my 2 cents. We have a close family, strong, christian, loving father....but when my son was 15 we caught him involved with porn on the net. He was taking classes online so we couldn't ban him from the computer. Our computer was not off in another room. After I discovered it I put on a parental control program with a password. My son put on a keylogger program and found the password. We discovered again, that he was struggling again. God always helped us to *know* when it had happened. We spent much time talking and praying with our son. He was in a lot of pain...so sorry...but so caught up in it. I told him then that our computer was dedicated to God and that from now on I was going to monitor his every minute with a program called Eblaster. It sent me reports to a private email of every keystroke, every website, etc. We were open and didn't try to *sneak* this program on the computer. We did it to help him. We had 2 years to help him turn from this horrible *pull* before he was off on his own and out from under our roof. Today he is 22, married (2 years) to a wonderful young woman. He and his wife were engaged for one year and followed Joshua Harris's book Kiss Dating Goodbye. Their first kiss was on their wedding day. He's a great kid. And becoming an AWESOME young man!! I say...guard your kids, never shame them (you know they already feel horrible shame if they are doing something wrong on the computer)...know that the enemy is trying to destroy them...cover them with your love, your prayers, and let them know that you are ON TOP of their computer time! PS my 15 year old daughter has not has this problem at all...but she saw the pain her brother went through. And NOW she has an awesome brother and sister-in-law that ARE great examples for her and love her very much. I’ve been through this so will leave my 2 cents. We have a close family, strong, christian, loving father….but when my son was 15 we caught him involved with porn on the net. He was taking classes online so we couldn’t ban him from the computer. Our computer was not off in another room. After I discovered it I put on a parental control program with a password. My son put on a keylogger program and found the password. We discovered again, that he was struggling again. God always helped us to *know* when it had happened.

We spent much time talking and praying with our son. He was in a lot of pain…so sorry…but so caught up in it. I told him then that our computer was dedicated to God and that from now on I was going to monitor his every minute with a program called Eblaster. It sent me reports to a private email of every keystroke, every website, etc. We were open and didn’t try to *sneak* this program on the computer. We did it to help him. We had 2 years to help him turn from this horrible *pull* before he was off on his own and out from under our roof.

Today he is 22, married (2 years) to a wonderful young woman. He and his wife were engaged for one year and followed Joshua Harris’s book Kiss Dating Goodbye. Their first kiss was on their wedding day. He’s a great kid. And becoming an AWESOME young man!! I say…guard your kids, never shame them (you know they already feel horrible shame if they are doing something wrong on the computer)…know that the enemy is trying to destroy them…cover them with your love, your prayers, and let them know that you are ON TOP of their computer time!

PS my 15 year old daughter has not has this problem at all…but she saw the pain her brother went through. And NOW she has an awesome brother and sister-in-law that ARE great examples for her and love her very much.

]]> By: Trina http://heatherivester.com/2006/03/02/teens-in-the-blogosphere/comment-page-1/#comment-444 Trina Thu, 02 Mar 2006 21:58:06 +0000 http://mom2momconnection.com/?p=316#comment-444 Well I have 2 teenage sons,one more that just turned 11, along with two younger sons. So I do know about the teen years, and I feel just like Spring. Privacy is a privilege EARNED and not a right. My sons show responsiblity, accountablity, and honesty then there is no reason to distrust, but once they breach that in any way then that privilege is taken away until earned back. My job as a parent is to protect and teach them the way they should go. I need to know which direction they are going everyday, and keep them on the straight and narrow. There is a reason that God gave children parents. He knew that they needed to be supervised and guided, and so we have that huge responsibility. Besides basic emotions that my sons may not want to share with me, or physical modesty, there shouldn't be anything that they need to hide or keep private from me. When things are good, there is no reason to keep them hidden. Well I have 2 teenage sons,one more that just turned 11, along with two younger sons. So I do know about the teen years, and I feel just like Spring. Privacy is a privilege EARNED and not a right. My sons show responsiblity, accountablity, and honesty then there is no reason to distrust, but once they breach that in any way then that privilege is taken away until earned back. My job as a parent is to protect and teach them the way they should go. I need to know which direction they are going everyday, and keep them on the straight and narrow. There is a reason that God gave children parents. He knew that they needed to be supervised and guided, and so we have that huge responsibility. Besides basic emotions that my sons may not want to share with me, or physical modesty, there shouldn’t be anything that they need to hide or keep private from me. When things are good, there is no reason to keep them hidden.

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