By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Sat, 09 Sep 2006 19:56:42 +0000

Are any of you mothers of adult (supposedly) children whose life choices are making you want to tear your hair out? My daughter is 20 and my life has been in turmoil since she turned 16. That’s a LONG TIME! I have always been a single mother and my daughter was the sweetest child you could want until that age. Now she is acting like a completely selfish, spoiled, demanding,brat.
She calls me and constantly complains about the people she continues to choose to spend her life, yet refuses to do the two things I have suggested to her that are all I have to offer: a) do what I did at her age – GET IN SCHOOL (She decided to stop at 16…no high school diploma…and of course the job situation is not good because of that) and do what I, unfortunately, didn’t do at her age – look for a church where she could hope to feel comfortable with people her age, and meet some who are at least presumably trying to live life right.
She was “on fire for Jesus” at age 15 when I got arranged for her to go to a 5-day Christian camp and I was so pleased. Then the next year we had the misfortune of moving to someplace where she met girls who were not the kind of kids who, apparently, influenced her to begin behaving badly. I spend every holiday, birthday, Mother’s Day alone and without even a phone call from her, though of course she calls when she falls short financially, which leaves me in conflict because I don’t want her to have to resort to being victimized by depending on a man…she’s pretty and they are only to willing to ‘give’ her money, so I have given her money even though I am still not in a good place financially (yet).
I miss my sweet girl so much. I just feel like I was doomed from the start. I focused on raising my child and whenever the thought of trying to find a good man to marry came to mind I thought about the many women who were molested by a step-father and I would just think, “maybe I’ll meet someone, but I’m not going to try, because what if I got involved with someone who was like that,” so the years just went by. I didn’t have her until the day after my 39th birthday, so now I’m past my “prime” and can’t afford Botox and the rest so I just feel like a complete fool. I have no frame of reference for how my life has turned out. When I was young I wanted a big family – five kids – but regardless of my best efforts I have ended up with no one. I have always wondered how women who break up marriages and ‘steal’ other women’s husbands can live with themselves, and how some women, when young, have no desire to marry and have kids (and then end up SUCCEEDING in doing just that!)…yet how can a woman such as myself who would never have considered doing that end up alone facing 60. My mother died the month after she turned 60 more than 23 1/2 years ago. Losing her was bad, and now my baby girl?
I hope there are a few mothers out there in the “blogoshere” who can shed some light on HOW I can re-construct my life. I know I can do volunteer work, I should, and I plan to…but I won’t lie, I’m no Mother Teresa, and I just don’t see a life of martyrdom being one I can adopt after having lived all of my life trying and hoping for the loving, happy home life I didn’t have growing up. (My mother did the best she could after divorcing my father when I was twelve. She never re-married and now I see just how lonely she must have been afer her three kids grew up; I still feel guilty that I wasn’t there when she died.)

By: MomKori

MomKori — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 01:12:18 +0000

It’s wonderful to get contact with your old friends again.
(But you have to proclaim your real name, and that sounds a little scary for me although I haven’t done anything guilty…)
Speaking of old friends, I found my husband in a junior high reunion. Actually we are the same age but didn’t know each other back in those days!

By: Trina

Trina — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 15:55:47 +0000

I have found some new acquaintences on here as well. I have also hooked up with some old ones again. It has been a great joy to me. I have just found your site and I will be dropping by if you don’t mind.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:53:00 +0000

Karin,
Ouch! Sorry about your friend’s toe. I sometimes bump into walls too. Not always the physical kind!

By: eph2810

eph2810 — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:17:57 +0000

hit the ‘submit comment’ button to early. Grateful that your wrist is not broken. But sometimes a bruise can be just as painful or even more painful what a break…
((((hugs))))

By: eph2810

eph2810 — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:16:35 +0000

I am blessed to have you as a new friend – especially finding a blog in this huge blogsphere – its a God thing .

By: Karin

Karin — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:14:39 +0000

Believe it or not, I have a Flyfriend in my area who just happened to kick off her Flyshoes yesterday and then walked…into…a…wall. No, she’s not normaly clutsy, I don’t think. But she’s going to the doctor today because she thinks it may be worse than “just a broken toe”. Same toe she’s smashed maybe four or five times in the past. Ouch! Did I say she wasn’t normally clutsy? Anyhoo, I need to find my shoes. They’re around here, somewhere…

Comments on: Make New Friends But Keep the Old

By: Yvonne

By: MomKori

By: Trina

By: Heather

By: eph2810

By: eph2810

By: Karin